If you were to rate your overall happiness in life out of 100, with 0 being completely unhappy and 100 being totally joyful and grateful for every moment, what score would you give yourself? Let’s call this your Happy Index. How much is your Happy Index today?
Now, imagine a belief shift that could take your Happy Index from fluctuating between 30-60 to a solid 90-plus. Sounds impossible? I thought so too, until I experienced it firsthand. Just a year ago, I was overwhelmed by my circumstances. My business was failing, my real estate project was unsuccessful, and my marriage was struggling. I felt like a huge failure—depressed, anxious, and lost. My world was dark.
The Darkest Before the Dawn
Let’s rewind to a year ago. My business was crumbling, my real estate project was a disaster, and my marriage was on the brink of collapse. I was drowning in self-judgment, feeling like a complete loser. Every day felt like a battle, and my Happy Index was stuck in the 30-60 range, fluctuating with every setback. I knew I needed a change, but I didn’t know where to start.
Fortunately, my decade-long pursuit of psychological health and healing had given me a solid foundation of resilience. I had spent years exploring various tools and resources to improve my mental well-being. It was during this quest that I stumbled upon a transformative piece of knowledge that would change my life forever.
The Transformative Knowledge
The belief that changed my life is this: We need to lose all our judgments to experience true freedom, joy, and inner peace, and to create the successes we desire.
I discovered this in the book Positive Intelligence by Stanford professor Dr. Shirzad Chamine. As humans, we constantly seek meaning in life situations because we can’t process every bit of information every second. We form paradigms to help us comprehend our surroundings and make quick decisions, conserving brain energy. Through our experiences and learning from others, we wire our neurons to form beliefs that guide us. This is how everyone operates.
Shifting Beliefs for Transformation
To experience true transformation, we need to shift some of our beliefs. During the belief-forming process, we inevitably adopt judgments to determine whether something is good or bad. These judgments help us decide what to continue doing or avoid. However, 99% of people walk around judging everything and everyone, including themselves.
It’s these self-judgments that put us in hell. The things that made me feel like a loser—my business struggles, my real estate project’s lack of profit, my marriage issues, moving to a less expensive area—had that impact because I was judging myself. When I learned to lose all my judgments, I started seeing these ‘failures’ as valuable lessons. My Happy Index shot through the roof instantly.
The Science Behind the Shift
Here’s the science bit: our brains love forming shortcuts (paradigms) to understand the world around us. It’s how we make quick decisions and save precious brainpower. These shortcuts come from our experiences and beliefs, shaped by ourselves and others. Makes perfect sense, right?
But here’s the kicker: for real transformation, some of those beliefs have to go. See, when we form beliefs, we often layer on judgments—good, bad, the whole thing. These judgments help us navigate life, but guess what? Most of us walk around judging EVERYTHING, including ourselves. Harsh, right?
These self-judgments are the happiness gremlins whispering “loser” in our ears. They’re the reason my business struggles, real estate woes, and marriage issues felt like the end of the world. But the moment I learned to let go of the judgments, EVERYTHING shifted. Those “failures” became valuable lessons. My Happy Index went from “meh” to “YES!” in a heartbeat.
The Inner Shift and Outer Transformation
As my inner world transformed, my outer world followed suit. My business is thriving again, I turned my real estate project into my beautiful new home, and my husband and I are happier than ever. It was a complete turnaround, all thanks to a simple shift in perspective.
So, my friends, let go of those judgments. Embrace each moment and every experience without labeling them as good or bad. When you stop judging, you start learning, growing, and living more fully. You’ll find that your Happy Index will skyrocket, just like mine did.
Take Action Today
Ready to transform your own Happy Index? Here are some steps to get started:
- Identify Your Judgments: Pay attention to how often you judge yourself and others. Write down these judgments and reflect on how they impact your happiness.
- Challenge Your Beliefs: Question the validity of your judgments. Are they based on facts or assumptions? What would happen if you let them go?
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that failure is a part of learning.
- Embrace Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment without judgment. Mindfulness practices like meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and reduce the tendency to judge.
- Celebrate Your Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate your growth, no matter how small. Each step towards reducing judgment is a step towards greater happiness.
By letting go of judgments and embracing each moment, you can transform your life and boost your Happy Index to new heights. So, what are you waiting for? Start your journey today and watch your happiness soar!
Sending you all the love and joy,
Tia Shen
